Vegetables with Quick and Creamy Dip

Apparently, people are having alone time with their produce instead of simply buying sex toys from Sara’s and it’s not right.

Spokesperson Gary Krupkin says, “It’s a long, simmering problem in our society. Political correctness demands that we address vegetable abuse in all forms. Nobody wants to hurt vegetables, yet every night they are abused.”

Though cucumbers are the spokesveggie for the cause Krupkin laments that other foods, like bananas and rutabagas, are equally abused.

Their billboards and campaign ads have caused controversy in Texas, but Krupkin says it’s all worth it if it ends the pain.

Courtesy FlashNews.com

Dapper Dick creator Noelle McIlwaine (left) with Pirate Hardwood and life-sized prototype (right) Photo: Joe Brown

“Let’s face it, girls like to play dress-up,” says Noelle McIlwaine, who is debuting Dapper Dicks, her first line of cock-couture at this year’s Adult Entertainment Expo. “So if you give us something to play with, and something to laugh about, you’re gonna get laid! I mean it’s a 99-percent chance that it’s gonna happen.”

It all started when her husband came home from work one evening, and he wanted to get it on.

“And I told him the whole ‘I’ll take care of later’ thing. Hey, girls get tired! I’m a mom of five, and I have a full-career (she’s from Bible-Belt Atlanta, and already has made a sale to a pastor’s wife).

McIllwaine’s husband walked away and reappeared — sporting a toilet-paper roll crowned with a little lion head.

He was trying to entice her into bed? With a leonine love muscle?

“He was,” she confirms. “And he scored. And that’s how Dapper Dicks was born.”

“Some guys just need a little more help, you know what I mean?” says McIlwaine, one of many erotica entrepreneurs on the periphery of the AEE exhibit hall. “Our job is to put these outfits together for the guys, so they can entice their wives or girlfriends or others, to get into the whole roleplay thing. Because guys really don’t have anything! They’ve got elephant underwear, and that’s it.”

So McIlwaine came up with a series of appendage apparel: shake hands with Stroker the Cowboy, Pirate Hardwood, pinstriped Dapper Dick, Private Willy (“sports his fatigues standing at full attention waiting for orders”), Fireman Rick and Dr. Dick Longellow. Complete with hats and appropriate accessories, they’ll run you $35-$45.

“What about sizing?,” I hear the reader wonder.

“One size fits all,” says McIlwaine. “I made sure there was a Spandex interior, that way it’s really smooth going on and off, because some guys are really sensitive.”

So it fits the all-American, and it also expands to Man-O’-Beef.

Still, there’s always gonna be that one guy who insists the genital get-up is too small for him…

McIlwaine says she’s sitting on 200 more ideas for future costumes. Coming soon: “Animal Kingdom,” “Tasty Snacks,” and a “Hollywood Boneyard” series, with Captain Prickhard and Dark Invader. Imagine what she could do with “Twilight.” Or “Avatar.” Or “Titanic”…

“Relationships need to sparked and spontaneity needs to be kept going,” McIlwaine says. “I figure if I can add one marriage by adding the spark back into it, I’ve done my job.”

Courtesy Las Vegas Weekly

More Weirdness for Your Penis…

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“Hey, big boy, how'd you like to oil my gears?”

LAS VEGAS, NEVADA– Men have often dreamed it, but it hasn’t become a reality until today: the sex robot. Developed by Douglas Hines of True Companion, an electrical engineer and computer scientist who formerly worked in the artificial intelligence lab at AT&T Bell Laboratories. Roxxxy, the sexy bot, is a completely anatomically correct and customizable companion (from features to hair color) that exhibits different personalities and responds to touch. (Gallery and video after the jump)

Depending on your mood, you can assign the robot different personalities such as Frigid Farrah or Mature Martha, who will respond differently based on the personality you choose. For example, if you hold Mature Martha’s hand, she may say “I love holding hands,” whereas if you touch Frigid Farrah she may say “What are you going to do with that hand?”

The coolest part about the robot is that you can build your own custom personality based on your preference or tweak an existing personality. Once members of the site develop a personality that they really like, they can share it with your friends on True Companion’s website. The website sync also makes the robot compatible for updates and new features or sexy quirks such as a robot that responds to a S&M safety word. More like a social networking site, the site will have a monthly fee.

The 2 1/2 year project was estimated to cost around 1 million dollars and the robot itself will cost from $7,000 to $9,000 depending on the level of customization you choose. New robots are in the works that will build upon this internal computing model and incorporate more movement. The male version, Rocky, available as a gay robot or a heterosexual robot is currently being developed.

True Companion claims that the robot isn’t solely used for sex but is rather a life partner or mate for those who can’t find or don’t want the real thing. According to True Companion’s Web site, she “can carry on a discussion and expresses her love to you and be your loving friend. She can talk to you, listen to you and feel your touch.” Well, Roxxxy certainly won’t make you put the seat down.

Courtesy of 69adget.com

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Adam Reviews the Fleshlight Motion from Gizmodo on Vimeo.

Courtesy of Gizmodo (More hilarity to be found there.)

Rather, a quintet of former workers at San Francisco’s Vixen Creations on Monday filed suit in the city’s Superior Court claiming they were stiffed … on overtime pay.

The disgruntled five’s workaday routine wasn’t so titillating; the suit quotes their duties as “mixing silicone, pouring the silicone into molds, pulling the finalized products out of the molds, and making new molds for the products” — a job that paid between $10 and $13 an hour. Of course, the products they were hauling in and out of the molds included “The Bandit,” “The Outlaw,” and, of course, “The Goodfella” (“As close to a real cock as possible”).

The workers say they often spent well over eight hours a day shlepping Bandits and Goodfellas and whatnot in the company’s San Francisco factory — but they claim that when they glanced at their paychecks, they’d been given the shaft.

“If Plaintiffs … worked more than eight hours in a day, but not more than a total of forty in a week, they were not paid overtime,” claims the suit. “Therefore, Defendant willfully violated California law…”

So there you go. The plaintiffs want the money they say they’re due. And, no, there’s nothing in there about being willing to accept dildos in lieu of payment.

Courtesy San Francisco Weekly

The device has a small pouch of blood that is punctured by the penis at the time of intercourse, and simulated the breaking of the hymen, reports say.

The website claims “No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime.”

While many have said it is a strong social statement against hypocrites who state that women must remain pure while male sexual relations are ignored, Sheik Sayed Aska, member of the Muslim Brotherhood, said that it ‘encourages illicit sexual relations. Islamic culture forbids these relations except within the confines of marriage.’

The kit is significantly more simple and less expensive that hymen reconstructive surgery, which is commonly performed at secret clinics in the Middle East, where honor killings are more frequent than many would expect.

Courtesy Chattahbox.com

An advert for a penis vacuum pump has been banned

The ad, place inside a national newspaper, stated the product provided “stronger/larger erections” and that it had been supplied to thousands of satisfied customer.

The advert continued, stating users reported temporary gains in size.

By using the pump, the penis would increase its capacity for blood flow helping “to enhance potency, resulting in a stronger, larger erection”, the ad claimed.

It also claimed the device could help with erectile problems.

The advertising standards agency (ASA), however, received a compliant challenging the claim of “stronger/larger erections” stating it was misleading and questioning whether it could be substantiated.

The ASA also looked into whether the advert could discourage readers from seeking qualified medical advice.

In response, the company responsible for the advert – Easylife – referred to medical journals which looked at the use of vacuum devices in the management or treatment of erectile dysfunction. They said the evidence supported claims for temporary increase in size.

The ASA, however, ruled that Easylife had not supplied documentary evidence to support the temporary effect on erection size by increasing blood flow to the penis.

A statement released by the watchdog states: “We noted the ad was headlined ‘Stronger/larger erections’ and, while we noted text in the body copy stated that any increase in size would be temporary, we noted we had not seen evidence to support the claim that users reported ‘temporary gains of 1-2.5 inches in length and 0.75-1.75 inches in girth’.

“In the absence of documentary evidence, we concluded that the claim ‘Stronger/larger erections’ could mislead.”

The ASA also said the advert could be seen to offer a treatment for impotence and, as that treatment would be conducted without the supervision of a doctor or other suitably qualified health professional, the ad was in breach of the advertising code.

As a result, the watchdog declared the advert should not appear in its current form again.

Courtesy InTheNews.co.uk: United Kingdom

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We all want to work there, don't we?

Doctoral candidate Marcus Squirrell surveyed over 1,300 internet users who regularly frequented online sex, fetish and swinging sites to engage in online sexual activities, which included accessing erotic pictures, as well as interacting with others using chat rooms and webcams.

According to Squirrell, a “fairly large percentage” of respondents admitted to taking part in cybersex activities outside the comfort of their home.

“A lot of people who have got problems with compulsive online sexual behaviour can’t actually control themselves and end up doing it at work as well.

“These people are putting so much energy into cybersex – in some cases up to ten hours per day – that it is detracting from their relationship with their partner. It can also adversely affect other areas of their lives, such as their education and employment,” Squirrell told iTnews.

Breaking an addiction to cybersex can cause similar side-effects to those experienced by smokers attempting to quit, explained Squirrell.

“They typically experience withdrawal symptoms,” he said. “They often become irritable and angry and usually very anxious. They become preoccupied with not being able to access it.

“People actually use cybersex to regulate their mood so when they’re stressed they jump on the internet, look at porn for a while or chat with people online. So when they stop doing it they have all sorts of difficulties,” he said.

More than half the participants who engaged in cybersex were married or in a serious relationship, and 65 percent admitted to meeting their cybersex partners offline.

The study also found that cybersex participants were mostly male, well-educated, and – on average – 41 years old.

Squirrell hoped the study would help psychologists better understand the psychological characteristics of cybersex addicts and improve treatment.

Courtesy ITNews.com

Do you really want to know?

Kevin Alderman (known in Second Life as “Stroker Serpentine”) alleges that Linden facilitates and profits from in-game pirates copying his IP-protected line of adult-themed virtual goods. Alderman claims his SexGen branded items and animations are among the most popular virtual products sold within Second Life, making his US trademark a valuable resource to distinguish himself amongst competitors selling alternative methods of bumping ugly online.

Joining Alderman in the lawsuit is Shannon Grei (known in-world as “Munchflower Zaius”), who designs and sells clothing and coverings for players to wear within Second Life. Grei holds a US copyright for the visual material “Nomine Araignee Set,” which she claims has been copied and peddled by other players.

The two have filed for class action status in their complaint, claiming many others have been violated by Linden’s lax attitude regarding counterfeited virtual goods, but often lack the financial resources to prosecute.

The lawsuit asserts that Linden has violated their intellectual property rights by displaying copyrighted and trademarked works within Second Life and by “materially contributing to and supervising” the infringement of others. It further alleges that Linden directly profits from IP-infringing conduct by running the online marketplace used to sell the counterfeited virtual products, selling in-game space to infringers and operating the official currency exchange, which allows users to transfer Linden Dollars for US currency — for a fee of 3.5% per transaction.

“This is not a hands-off approach that Linden Lab takes,” said the plaintiff’s attorney Michael Aschenbrener of the firm KamberEdelson. The attorney told El Reg that Alderman’s SexGen business generates big money — about $1 million in revenue thus far (and in tangible US currency, not virtual dollars).

“Eros’s virtual erotic SexGen products sold for use in Second Life have been counterfeited, cloned, and ripped off countless times by a multitude of Second Life Residents,” the lawsuit states. “The manner in which this has occurred is akin to the knockoff handbags and purses sold near Canal Street in New York City. Some of the bags are stolen, but actual brand-name handbags sold at deep discounts, while many others are knockoffs that merely use the brand-name makers’ designs and trademarks. The same is true of the knockoff SexGen products sold within Second Life. In either case, Linden Lab and merchants in Second Life are infringing Eros’s registered trademark.”

The lawsuit argues that Linden is not protected by the the US Digital Millennium Copyright Act’s safe harbor provisions for service providers because it refuses to take the necessary steps to truly remove the content and for making money off the infringing behavior.

According to the complaint, while Linden will ban users caught using third-party programs used to copy game assets, it won’t ban users who upload or sell the copied content. It alleges that takedown notices on infringing items are either ignored Linden or easily avoided by content pirates through simply creating a new free account and re-uploading the content.

“Linden Lab has the technical means to simply and easily halt the alleged conduct, but refuses to do so because it makes too much money from all the infringement,” it argues.

Linden is accused of trademark infringement for using the SexGen mark to sell counterfeit products through the in-game marketplace and by its official XStreetSL.com online marketplace. The lawsuit claims Linden advertises infringing items on its “featured items” selection and by top search results for “SexGen.” The company is also accused of contributory trademark infringement because it supplied the infringing service — the Second Life game itself and online marketplace — used by counterfeiters.

Linden is further accused of copyright infringement for showing images of counterfeited clothing and skins lifted from Grei within Second Life and on XStreetSL.com.

The oddity of blaming Second Life for infringement when there would be no items in the first place if it weren’t for the game doesn’t trouble Aschenbrener.

“The classic analogy is a flea market operator that allows individuals to sell infringing goods within the market — and that’s not allowed,” he said.

Second Life erotic mogul Alderman has previously filed civil lawsuit against specific fellow players for allegedly copying his SexGen products. He was awarded a default judgement in the first case when the defendant didn’t respond to his complaint and penned an in-court settlement for his second (although awarded no money).

The class-action request was filed Tuesday in US District Court in the northern district of California. A copy is available The class-action request was filed Tuesday in US District Court in the northern district of California. A copy is available here (PDF).

Courtesy The Register: United Kingdom

Jefferson County Circuit Judge Robert Vance Jr. looks at a display of a school girl uniform costume while touring Love Stuff on Thursday, Oct. 11, 2007 in Hoover. (The Birmingham News file)

The court ruled that the business failed to show that the state law banning the sale of sexual aides was unconstitutional.

“Public morality can still serve as a legitimate rational basis for regulating commercial activity, which is not a private activity,” Supreme Court justices wrote in the opinion issued Friday.

“As the Eleventh Circuit in Williams IV pithily and somewhat coarsely stated: ‘There is nothing ‘private’ or ‘consensual’ about the advertising and sale of a dildo.”

Love Stuff had argued a section of Alabama’s anti-obscenity law banning “adult-only entertainment” near churches and child care centers was unconstitutional vague because the phrase was not defined.

“We’re not closing,” said Love Stuff attorney Amy Herring.

She said the store is reviewing its options for appeal.

She said she was very pleased that two of nine justices concurred with the store’s argument.

Courtesy al.com