MIAMI, FLORIDA – Stop us if you’ve heard this one.

So a priest goes into a strip club one day and tells a stripper she has demons in her and he was sent by God to help. He then takes her home, has sex with her and takes her to swingers clubs before impregnating the stripper.

After it all the priest says, “I think God gave me the wrong message. See ya.”

Unfortunately for a Miami woman, the joke was on her, and now she is going to court to flip the script.

Beatrice Hernandez spoke with the media Tuesday to tell her side of a twisted story that is sure to cast more dispersions on the Archdiocese of Miami, which is still reeling from the Alberto Cutié drama just a few months ago.

Hernandez claims Father David Dueppen had a long-standing affair with the ex-stripper that introduced her to the life of a swinger and nudist colonies. The two met at Porky’s on, of all days, a Sunday, in 2003.

The stripper and the priest lived together all while Dueppen continued to conduct mass and minister at St. Francis de Sales on Miami Beach, the same parish once manned by Cutié.

Her proof of the affair: a 9-month old daughter, which her attorney claims DNA evidence proves the priest is the father.

“He can wrap you up so good. He can speak to you so good,” said Hernandez, who is seeking a permanent restraining order against her unholy baby daddy. “He told me I had evil spirits and he was going to relieve me of those evil spirits.”

Officials for the Archdiocese have said they knew of Father Dueppen’s indiscretions in 2005 and paid Hernandez a settlement to keep quiet about the affair.

Dueppen was reprimanded and punished by going to spiritual counseling, similar to what Cutié allegedly was ordered to do after pictures leaked of him with his hands down his now-wife’s bikini.

At least Cutié decided to say to hell with the celibate life and left the Catholic Church. Dueppen, however, decided to keep the faith and was transferred from his parish in Miami Beach to Broward, according to CBS4.

But that didn’t stop him from going back to Hernandez and the couple eventually got pregnant. Hernandez also alleges Dueppen choked her and threatened to take the baby if she opened her mouth.

Now Hernandez is looking for child support, while Father Dueppen and the Archdiocese are looking for a miracle to make this scandal go away.

“It was like he was making fun of God,” Hernandez said. “This is about protection for my daughter.”

The two could square off in court on Thursday about the restraining order.

Courtesy NBCMiami.com: Television, United States

Naked cyclists ride their bikes during a worldwide naked cycling protest against cars, emission and agressive drivers in the streets of Madrid, on June 7, 2008

To celebrate Nude Recreation week, travel website TripAdvisor has come up with a list of the top five nude events enjoyed by naturists internationally. Reuters has not endorsed this lists:

1. World Naked Bike Ride, Worldwide – June and July

Each year since 2004, bike riders have joined to celebrate cycling and protest a culture where cars are king. This year, in 20 countries around the world, participants advocated freedom from oil and fabric. Nude cyclists bared their bodies with messages painted on their backs, fronts and rears. One TripAdvisor traveler advises: “Remember the sunscreen … and those saddles will be hot, hot, hot, so cover them up before alighting, people!”

2. AANR World Record Skinny Dip, Across North America – July

Put more than 12,000 people shoulder deep in pools across North America without a stitch of clothing in sight, and what do you get? The “largest number of people skinny dipping at once,” now a category in the Guinness Book of World Records due to the American Association for Nude Recreation.

3. Nude Beach Olympics, Maslin Beach, Australia – January

Taking place on Australia’s sunny Maslin Beach in South Australia, the games are a celebration of Maslin’s status as first official nude beach in the country.

4. Running of the Nudes, Pamplona, Spain – July

PETA’s “Running of the Nudes” protests the cruelty of bullfighting with participants choosing to show a little skin in hopes that one day Pamplona’s bulls won’t have to. The runners don plastic bull horns, red scarves, and little else, to run the half-mile Pamplona course.

5. Black Rock Desert, Nevada, August – September

The annual Burning Man project is a self-proclaimed haven of self-expression, creativity and community. Drawing 50,000 people to the Black Rock Desert in 2008, huge works of art are generated at the event, namely the “Man,” which is burned on the final night as part of the process of restoring the area to its natural state, with no trace of the revelers. Participants often take advantage of the free-spirited attitude by getting nude.

Courtesy Reuters.com

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Woops... wrong playground

Police said that Tony Cooper, a retired computer programmer, was not breaking any laws by wearing only tennis shoes while he strolled around this college town on the California border.

Cooper told The Daily Tidings newspaper that he has been a nudist for decades and has lived at nudist resorts in California and Arizona.

Before visiting Ashland, he was staying in the Bay Area in order to participate in San Francisco’s Bay to Breakers 12K race in which he ran naked, he said.

But his nude walks in Ashland upset many local residents, leading some to call for a ban on public nudity in the city.

Some parents and other community members were especially concerned after Cooper was spotted near Walker Elementary School on May 29 as children were walking home from school.

Cooper told the newspaper that he didn’t realize he was near a school and didn’t intend for the kids to see him.

“That was my mistake,” he said. “I messed up completely.”

But Cooper says people overreacted.

“I think they should all send their kids to a nudist resort or have naked day in Ashland where everyone is naked,” he said. “Then all of those hang-ups would disappear.”

Oregon does not have any laws restricting nudity, but the city of Ashland requires people to cover their genitals in the downtown area and in public parks.

Cooper told the Ashland newspaper he used to travel to project sites as a computer programmer and has continued wandering the country since he retired last year.

If he returns to Ashland, he says he will consider limiting his naked walks to after 10 p.m.

Courtesy Associated Press via KATU.com

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Thank god i't s a low-contact sport

Nudity in sports is a tradition that goes back thousands of years to the first Olympics. The Greek root of “gymnasium” is gymnos which means “nude”. When liberated of clothing, the body is free to perform to its natural
maximum.

Volleyball and naturism/nudism is almost a cliché. But it is true that the sport has been incredibly popular within the naturist/nudist community and its roots can be traced back to 1927 in France.

Volleyball is just one of the many draws. In addition to Bare Oaks’ many amenities, there will be a live band, campfires, and the restaurant will be open with a special event liquor license for the entire event. For families, there will be organized children’s activities during the day.

Courtesy NewsWire.ca: Canada

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Let me back up.

When I called Jacob Sayles a couple days ago, it was to ask if he could connect me with someone to interview about one of the most talked-about events in Seattle, not to be in the bare butt, painted skin thick of it. But the seven-year veteran of the naked bike ride that for over a decade has crashed the annual Fremont Solstice parade had a better idea — and an extra seat on his tandem bike.

“You don’t have to be naked,” Sayles had said. “Just colorful.”

It was all paint, sponges and determination at the day’s first stop: the pre-ride painting party at Hale’s Ales brewery. I wore boy shorts and a bikini top, and in about a minute, my eyes adjusted to the nudity. There were more important things to think about, I guess — like finding Sayles, making sure I didn’t ruin a masterpiece as I made my way to the back and checking that I’d completely slathered myself with Sayles’ purple airbrush acrylic paint. “Everyone forgets the arm pits,” he’d said, and smeared on more color.

When I wasn’t turning myself into a walking blueberry, I did what everyone else did as they switched colors, waited for a friend to grab the glitter or otherwise paused on the warehouse floor’s giant blue tarp: I looked around. Behind me, a woman outlined black scales on a fleshy red dragon. Out front, the sun was rising on a woman’s back. First-time rider Angie Anzalone painted a blue star on her two-and-a-half year old son’s forehead and several people oooh’d and ahhh’d when veteran Lucia Mondella peeled off the strip of masking tape that swirled around her shimmery blue body, revealing a perfect ribbon from neck to toe.

That’s when I realized why I felt so comfortable in a room full of naked people. These weren’t bodies. They were canvases. And they were about to go on the road.

It was a cloudy 53 degrees when I got to Hale’s Ales at 9. By the time we hit Market Street in a surprise pre-parade romp through Ballard, the sun had shown some mercy.

“Happy solstice!” we cheered. Cars honked. Cameras clicked. “We’ve got your stimulus package!” a quartet of economically-themed riders shouted again and again behind me. Word that someone had counted 430 of us drew hoots and hollers. More were joining every minute — on bikes, on skateboards, on unicycles. Three men in blue carried a mermaid on a rickshaw. From the back of a truck, a little girl waved. We breezed past stop signs. We ran red lights.

“This is some Critical Ass!” a rider yelled.

A woman in a van offered a high-five and I took it, the sun hot on my back. I looked up and laughed. “I love this city!” I yelled.

By the time we hit the parade route, my face hurt from smiling.

From the sidewalks, a stream of people pointed, laughed and cheered. Slowing down, the riders basked in their once-a-year moment. This is it — make it good! They weaved. They wavered. They slapped hands with the crowd like rock stars. The noise was incredible. Every time we turned a corner, it peaked. There was art on display, sure. But what people were cheering was freedom. The freedom to stand up to an entrenched taboo, to display your body without the slightest shame, to ride reckless like children, not caring what the world wants or expects.

For 15 minutes, those riders were the happiest people in Seattle.

And the only things between me and that feeling were boy shorts and a bikini top.

Maybe someday I’ll be free of the various fears and obligations that keep me from joining in — or make me think I never will.

But as long as this tradition lasts, these riders can count on my support, respect, and awestruck admiration.

Courtesy Seatlle PI

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The perfect way to celebrate? A naked hike with ... Dad?

Particularly unamused by this development are managers of the Appalachian Trail, where the Associated Press — and hikingnaked.com — note the tradition is sometimes observed by those trekking from Georgia to Maine.

“It’s just rude,” Brian King, spokesman for the Appalachian Trail Conservancy in Harpers Ferry, W.Va., tells the AP. “People are out there hiking with their kids and families, and there are Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts.”

Ranger Tammy McCorkle, of the state-managed South Mountain Recreation Area in western Maryland, concedes she hadn’t heard of the annual event until last year when a group of naked men were spotted making their way along the Trail in the buff.

All 10 were buttoned up by the time an officer reached them, but eight got warnings for disorderly conduct after admitting they had been nude. They’re lucky. Full-frontal violations could bring indecent exposure charges.

Perhaps not surprising, naked hiking is a European tradition, although voters in the Swiss town of Appenzell in April apparently have had their fill of German tourists wearing only hiking boots and socks and banned the practice in their corner of the Alps.

One American aficionado, Shane Steinkamp, 40, of New Orleans, says he was inspired by passages from Henry David Thoreau, among others, that suggest that nudity enhances a person’s appreciation of nature.

But another outdoorsman offered a more practical benefit: it’s easier to spot wood ticks on your skin.

Courtesy USA Today

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Tell us the story of your naked arrest again...

A Norton Shores man has been sentenced to jail and probation in Oceana County after he was caught naked in the women’s bathroom at a Rothbury rest stop.

Oceana County Circuit Judge Anthony A. Monton on Monday ordered Victor Fred Ruzicka, 46, to two concurrent terms of 90 days in jail, with credit for two months already served, and 18 months on probation. Among the conditions is that Ruzicka take a psychological examination.

Ruzicka pleaded on contest last month to obscene conduct, a misdemeanor, and possession of less than 25 grams of cocaine, a felony.

Authorities said Ruzicka of 4232 Armstrong was discovered just before 7 a.m. April 12 — Easter Sunday — by an Oceana County Road Commission worker at the rest area along U.S. 31.

When the road commission employee identified himself, the man tried to portray a woman’s voice and said he was having “women’s problems,” police said. The man, who told police he is a “closet nudist,” was alone when he was found standing inside a bathroom stall.

Police later found cocaine in his car.

Courtesy MLive.com

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For the past 10 years, Ray Whetstone has been teaching a nude yoga class in Oakland Park. Whetstone demonstrates the pigeon pose. (Sun Sentinel/Michael Laughlin / May 5, 2009)

I repeat that to myself as I walk into a dance studio, pull off my shirt, and drop my shorts and undies onto the wood floor.

I’m surrounded by 17 other nude men — and mirrors.

In a moment, we’ll start practicing yoga.

For 20 years, I’ve taken yoga classes in sweaty gyms, incense-drenched studios and even in an office conference room. But always with my clothes on.

Tonight will be different for me, but not for most of the men in the room. Ray Whetstone has taught naked yoga for more than 10 years in South Florida. I learned about it by stumbling across his site, arcoirisyoga.com.

Arco iris is Spanish for rainbow; most of the men here are gay.

“The automatic assumption is that nudity is sex,” he says. But not here. He notes that in all his years of teaching, every man’s dog has remained downward.

I place my mat in a corner spot, so I’ll have one neighbor instead of two. In the minutes before class starts, I stretch out in corpse pose, so I won’t have to look. When we stand up to start the class, I tilt my gaze slightly upward, so if I see anything, it’s faces and shoulders.

Then I fill my head with yoga-ese.

Yoga is all about letting go of external labels that get in your way, I remind myself. Going within. Testing your focus.

Besides, if anyone’s looking to score, it wouldn’t be with this 50-year-old.

“We’ve had straight boys here before,” says Whetstone, who in 1998 became the first openly gay elder ordained by the Presbyterian Church. An optometrist, he commutes to Naples four days a week to work. Teaching naked yoga two nights a week is his recreation.

There are certain things in life I just gotta do. Bike 100 miles in a day. Marry a sports fan. Firewalk with Tony Robbins. Now, in the name of journalism, I get to stand naked with 17 other men.

The point is, maybe there might be something a straight boy can learn here.

Such as the central reason behind naked yoga: learning to be comfortable with your body.

“There’s so much of what we call body dysmorphia among gays, the idea of just not being good enough,” says Whetstone, 50. “People don’t think they’re hot unless their body fat is in the single digits or they have a six-pack.

“If you can stand in front of a mirror naked 15 minutes a day and deal with the issues, you’re going to be a very healthy person.”

You also (obviously) see your body alignment better with no clothes, Whetstone says, and there’s also a certain spirit of playfulness.

“It’s like going skinny-dipping,” he says. “After that, swimming with your clothes on just doesn’t seem the same.”

In regular classes, when someone’s cell phone goes off, my blood pressure doesn’t rise. I look at it as a focus check. So I figure, well, if I can get past seeing my junk in a mirror while in Warrior One, I can handle anything, even Whetstone’s “assisted back stretch.”

He circles the room, cracking our backs one by one. It’s my turn. We stand back-to-back, cheek-to-cheek, and he hooks his elbows through mine. He bends forward, lifting me up, backward.

Aside from my squeamishness, it’s a great stretch. I feel taller. Ready to yoga.

Next comes a traditional yoga series of lunges, twists and bends. There are times when it feels like any other yoga, then there are times when it’s just plain uncomfortable. Like in spinal twists, when you cross one leg over the other and turn. I value underwear.

At some point, I realize Whetstone is an outstanding yoga teacher. He directs us clearly from one pose to another, and tells us to center our minds. He touches students to fix their postures and stances, rather than simply getting into his own pose, hoping we pick it up. He stops us in Warrior pose, has three star students demonstrate, then gets us back into it, walking to each one of us and fixing alignment.

He never speaks of us being naked.

After about 70 minutes of stretches that have the sweat flowing, Whetstone announces “It’s Miller time.” Final relaxation. I lie on the towel over my mat and close my eyes.

I did it. And I didn’t freak out.

We pull on our clothes and as I exit, I realize I left my wedding ring on the wood floor, where my clothes were.

“What does that mean?” Whetstone says, just to poke at me. (I now always leave my ring on when I yoga.)

I drive home to my west Broward suburb and curl up in bed next to my groggy wife.

“Did you see enough d—-?” she asks. And I start to laugh.

It occurs to me: I spent 90 minutes with 17 other naked men, and I don’t remember seeing a one.

Courtesy Orlando Sentinel

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The 30-year-old flouted strict Muslim laws by stripping off to catch some rays – a crime that can end up with unsuspecting tourists flung into jail.

Foreign Office travel advice warns: “Nudism and topless sunbathing are prohibited throughout the Maldives including on resort islands.

“The Maldives is a Muslim country and serious violations of law may lead to a prison sentence.”

And an angry local fisherman said: “This woman’s behaviour is unacceptable.

“If she comes to a Muslim country she should respect Islamic laws and customs.”

Katie looked relaxed as she lazed around with a topless friend on the veranda of her £2,800-a night beach hut – the same suite where she spent her honeymoon with Peter Andre in 2005.

She flew to the five star Conrad Resort and Spa on Rengali island after her acrimonious split from Peter last week. He is is being comforted by family in Cyprus.

Katie has not left her villa since arriving. She has shunned the hotel’s bars, restaurants, spa and water activities.

All her meals are delivered to her room and she spends hours sunbathing.

Staff have been summoned to help care for her children Junior, three, and 21-month-old Princess Tiaami as she soaks up in the 35C heat.

A hotel source said: “Katie has made sure that her time on the island is private.”

Courtesy Mirror.co.uk

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We don't know who this guy is. Maybe he's looking for a team?

The University of Oregon’s club-sports board stripped the season away from the national title contenders just because the team, in achieving its high ranking and higher consciousness, stripped away the shackles of society’s clothing puritanism for a game at Oregon State on April 11.

Here we are obligated to note that “Animal House” was filmed at Oregon.

The team was placed on double-secret probation in November after police broke up a party featuring kegs and minors. Also, there was a rash of speeding tickets as the boys headed down I-5 to play Stanford.

“Speeding, drinking, nudity — they’re not bad things,” co-captain Dusty Becker said. “They’re things a big portion of the community doesn’t think are wrong.”

Said Greg Marmalard, er, Jeff Gibb of the club sports committee: “I’m not sure I can say that I trust the judgment of the Ultimate team — that’s why it’s so hard for me to give you another chance.”

The only hope is a reprieve from the student government. Here’s hoping they get it. After all, the issue is not whether they broke a few rules or took a few liberties with their female party guests. They did. (Wink.) But you can’t hold a whole Ultimate Frisbee team responsible for the behavior of a few sick, perverted individuals.

Courtesy Mercury News