Vegetables with Quick and Creamy Dip

Apparently, people are having alone time with their produce instead of simply buying sex toys from Sara’s and it’s not right.

Spokesperson Gary Krupkin says, “It’s a long, simmering problem in our society. Political correctness demands that we address vegetable abuse in all forms. Nobody wants to hurt vegetables, yet every night they are abused.”

Though cucumbers are the spokesveggie for the cause Krupkin laments that other foods, like bananas and rutabagas, are equally abused.

Their billboards and campaign ads have caused controversy in Texas, but Krupkin says it’s all worth it if it ends the pain.

Courtesy FlashNews.com

Charles Edward Meaux Jr. (Santa Ana Police Department)

A police helicopter was sent to the 2000 block of North Bush Street around 11:45 a.m. Wednesday after Santa Ana police were flooded with calls about the naked man who was performing a sexual act either to or at drivers, according to Santa Ana police Cpl. Anthony Bertagna.

Police say the man was 36-year-old Charles Edward Meaux Jr., a transient in the area and an alleged white supremacist with a long criminal history.

Meaux, who has a white supremacist tattoo above his left eyebrow, climbed down a ladder and hid inside a home where a family and a child were present, Bertagna said.

The family was evacuated as a precaution.

Police say Meaux was found inside a closet and struggled with police, forcing them to use a Taser to subdue him.

Meaux was arrested and booked on suspicion of burglary, indecent exposure, obstructing and resisting officers, and disorderly conduct, Bertagna said.

His bail was set at $150,000, according to jail records.

Meaux was last locked up on Jan. 15 and released on Jan. 21, apparently in a similar incident.

Meaux has a criminal history in Orange County that began in 1995, The Orange County Register reported.

Since then he has reportedly served time in jail and in prison, and on probation, for offenses including burglary, theft, possession of a deadly weapon, driving under the influence, loitering to engage in illegal drug activity, resisting a peace officer, making criminal threats and trespassing.

Courtesy KTLA: TV, Los Angeles

No one disputes that an on-duty Irvine police officer got an erection and ejaculated on a motorist during an early-morning traffic stop in Laguna Beach. The female driver reported it, DNA testing confirmed it and officer David Alex Park finally admitted it.
When the case went to trial, however, defense attorney Al Stokke argued that Park wasn’t responsible for making sticky all over the woman’s sweater. He insisted that she made the married patrolman make the mess–after all, she was on her way home from work as a dancer at Captain Cream Cabaret.

“She got what she wanted,” said Stokke. “She’s an overtly sexual person.”

Yeah, she wanted it. She wouldn’t have gone outside if she didn’t want it. Now here are some of the background facts that suggest very strongly that the cop had been stalking the stripper, followed her and deliberately pulled her over on a secluded stretch of highway:

Meanwhile, Park was on patrol in the southwest portion of Irvine. Prosecutors believe he was craving a sexual rendezvous, and so he watched for Lucy’s white BMW to leave the strip club parking lot, then tailed her, waiting for an excuse for a stop. Park insisted he’d been cruising on the 405 north and coincidentally saw Lucy’s vehicle weave and speed.
Kamiabipour, the prosecutor, shook her head in disbelief. She knew the facts–that the officer had waited at least eight or nine minutes before stopping the stripper on a secluded section of a highway that was out of his jurisdiction.

“He was stalking her,” she said.

Four months earlier, Park had stopped Lucy under similar circumstances. That time, he’d ignored a plastic drug baggie he’d found in her car and her suspended license. But the stop wasn’t a waste of time. After friendly chit-chat, the officer had scored Lucy’s phone number. Telephone records show that Park called the stripper the next morning. She told him she was too busy to meet.

On the witness stand, Park explained that he’d called Lucy out of concern for a citizen’s safety. He also shrugged his shoulders when Kamiabipour slowly listed the first names of nine Captain Cream female employees–Annette, Denise, Rashele, Marlia, Brandi, Andrea, Deborah, Laura and Shannon–whose license plates he’d run through the DMV computer in the weeks prior to his sexual encounter with Lucy. (Another coincidence, according to Stokke.) Jurors also learned that Irvine Police Sgt. Michael Hallinan had previously warned Park as they left work to stay away from the strippers.

Park, who works in construction nowadays, conceded that he’d been given the warning but claimed that he had no clue it was Lucy in the vehicle or that she had an invalid driver’s license, even as he approached her car window.

Kamiabipour believed she’d caught the 6-foot-3 cop in a lie. Records show he ran the bosomy, 5-foot, 110-pound dancer’s license plate before the stop, did not call for backup despite the potential for an arrest and failed to tell his supervisor or dispatch that he was leaving Irvine. Several Irvine officers testified that Park’s behavior that night was odd.

“[Park's] testimony was just incredible,” said Kamiabipour. Irvine city officials must have doubted his story, too. After an exhaustive police internal affairs investigation, they felt it was prudent to give Lucy $400,000 to make her civil lawsuit go away–for fear a jury might give her much more.

In a secretly-recorded phone call to Laguna Beach police shortly after the incident, Lucy recalled that she’d told Park she had no license. Park began “rubbing himself up against me,” she said. “Then, he said, ‘What are we going to do here, Lucy?’”

Park unzipped his pants, took his penis out and got an erection, she explained. “Basically, the officer made me give [him] a freaking hand job and he let me go. I’m so freaked out about it.”

(Lucy also told police, prosecutors and the jury that Park had also fingered her vagina and fondled her breasts before he ejaculated on her.)

“I was confused,” she told the Laguna Beach dispatcher. “He called me afterwards. I’m scared, you know . . . What’s an Irvine cop doing hanging out at a strip club in Lake Forest?”

Telephone records prove that Park made a 19-minute call to Lucy shortly after their encounter. The officer–who told the woman he was “Joe Stephens,” an Orange County Sheriff’s Department deputy who had died months earlier–said it was a friendly call to make sure she’d arrived home safely. The stripper said he told her to keep her mouth shut.

And then Kamiabipour introduced the bombshell evidence from a high-ranking Irvine police officer: on the night Park tailed Lucy out of the city, the global positioning system in his patrol car had been disconnected without authorization.

“I checked and [the GPS] was not working,” said Lt. Henry Boggs.

An unexplainable coincidence, Park’s defense countered.

Ah yes, those unexplainable coincidences can be very convenient like that. A jury of one woman and 12 men acquitted the officer. After all, it was the Good and Virtuous Police Officer against the Slutty Stripper, right? Though, to be honest, after spending the last several years documenting hundreds of cases of cops lying on police reports, I’d be a lot more likely to believe the stripper.

Absolutely appalling. The good news is that a prosecutor finally was outraged enough to put a cop on trial; the bad news is that a jury didn’t care.

Courtesy ScienceBlogs.com

The man reportedly walked in wearing a dark shirt and blue jeans. A few minutes later, when the employee walked down one of the aisles, she said she saw the man standing in front of a mirror, naked. He was reportedly touching himself.

The employee ran next door to US Cellular for help. She then went to the front door of her own store, waiting for the suspect to come out. He never did.

Instead, he exited through the back of the store when the employee went out the front.

US Cellular retail consultant Sandra Gutierrez was working when the Payless employee came over.

“She ran over here and was like, ‘Can you call 911 because there is a naked man in my store,’” Ms. Gutierrez said.

She said at first she thought the employee was joking around.

“But she was serious,” Ms. Gutierrez said.

“I just think it’s crazy, like why would a person go around and do that,” she said. “It kind’ve makes no sense.”

Dunn Police Chief B.P. Jones put it a different day.

“He’s a sicko,” Chief Jones said.

Ms. Gutierrez said she’s not too worried about the man coming into her store.

“There wouldn’t be too many places for him to hide in here,” she said.

Courtesy MyDailyRecord.com: Dunn, North Carolina

Silvio Berlusconi at a news conference: in new purported recordings he apparently discusses male orgasms and female masturbation. Photograph: Pier Paolo Cito/AP

Berlusconi has sought to make light of the release this week of a series of tapes, saying Italians knew he was “no saint”. But he did not deny their authenticity, although his lawyer had earlier claimed they were fake.

In by far the most intimate recording so far, the prime minister purportedly discusses male orgasms and the advisability of female masturbation with Patrizia D’Addario, the escort who claims to have spent the night at his Rome residence last November.

D’Addario, who has said she made the recordings on her mobile telephone, supplied them to prosecutors in Bari who are investigating whether to bring charges against the businessman alleged to have arranged for her to visit Berlusconi.

The recording begins with D’Addario purportedly telling the prime minister that a young man “would have already come in a second”.

After the voice alleged to be Berlusconi’s says “the problem, in my opinion, is a family one”, D’Addario asks: “You know how long it is since I had sex the way I had it with you tonight?” She then answers her own question, saying: “Months. Not since I left my man. Is [that] normal?”

The reply is: “If I may, you ought to have sex by yourself. You ought to touch yourself with a certain frequency.”

In another recording posted to the web today, Berlusconi purportedly shows D’Addario and other women around his estate on Sardinia.

This is the third batch of tapes to be put up on websites by L’Espresso and its sister publication, the daily La Repubblica, in what has become an acrimonious trial of strength.

Berlusconi has denied that he was aware that D’Addario had been paid to visit him. She was one of several women recruited by a southern Italian businessman, Giampaolo Tarantini, to attend a party at the prime minister’s private residence. According to a recording released earlier, they were each paid €1,000 (£860), but expected more if they stayed the night.

Courtesy Guardian.co.uk

A sketch of the chubby naked man

According the Arizona Daily Sun, police say the victim was walking northbound on Patterson at Lockett around 2:30 Wednesday afternoon, when the suspect pulled his car beside her as asked her to get in.

The woman says the man was naked and masturbating.

After she said no and walked off, the man eventually got out of his car naked and grabbed her.

The woman was able to fight the man off and he left.

The suspect is described as a Hispanic man with a chubby build, 25 to 35 years old, about 5 feet 7 inches to 5 feet 9 inches tall, and has a big belly.

He also has a full mustache and his hair is shaved on the sides with a combed-back, short length on top.

Police say the suspect left the scene in a green-brown or gray newer sport-utility vehicle, possibly a Chevrolet Blazer.

Courtesy ABC15.com: Television, United States

“Ain't nothing wrong with a little beef jerky.”

But this is a case of clearly too much information.

So when a Dade City mother looked outside her home and saw her 19-year-old son dancing the lonely mambo, it was a bit much.

The mother yelled.

The son, Antwan L. Grandberry, 19, stopped ringing his chimes and walked around to the front and rang something else: the doorbell, reports tampabay.com.

The mother answered and began cursing and yelling at Grandberry.

It wasn’t the most reasoned response but Antwan went way too far.

He punched his mother in her face.

What a jerk….off.

Courtesy of the Sun-Sentinel

Who knew that mom was right?

But there’s a danger that a new study linking masturbation and prostate cancer might set us back 100 years or so.

Because it suggests that “self-pleasure” may be bad for men.

So maybe those old-fashioned fears that solo sex may cause epilepsy, impotence, hairy hands, stunted growth and blindness were right all along.

Even now, when blokes are at their most tribal, they have a nagging fear their favourite pastime may be unhealthy.

Hence the terrace chant “The referee’s a wanker”, typically prompted by doubts about the official’s eyesight.

So what’s in this new research? A Nottingham team looked at sexual activity and the risk of prostate cancer.

And they found a link between frequent sex and masturbation in younger men and increased risk of developing the Big Prostate C.

Their theory is that a man’s sex drive is dictated by his hormone levels. And hormones play a key role in prostate cancer, too.

So the higher your testosterone, they suggest, the more time you spend pleasuring yourself but the less likely you are to beat off prostate cancer.

Please heed the new warning, boys.

Of course not. Because, as ever, it’s pretty easy to pick holes in the research.

For starters, it looked only at prostate cancer developing before the age of 60 — but that’s not a typical sample, given that most cases are diagnosed after that age.

Also, the study asked men to record information about their sexual activity, often from many years previously.

But you have to ask how accurate the average bloke is likely to be when reminiscing about sexual performance.

And the research found only a “link”. That doesn’t prove cause and effect.

After all, there’s a link between wearing red shirts — think Man Utd, Liverpool and Arsenal — and being near the top of the Premier League.

Obviously, the one doesn’t cause the other.

Worried

Even if the researchers’ hormone theory is correct, it doesn’t mean masturbating less will help.

Because they reckon “frequent masturbation” is the result of “high” hormone levels, which leads to the cancer risk — not the cause.

And remember, it’s just a theory — there are loads more where that came from.

Still worried? Bear in mind that in the great scheme of things, a single medical research paper almost never changes anything.

As the boffins themselves admit, more research is necessary before you can start drawing conclusions.

And I know of at least two studies in the past five years which have suggested the exact opposite to the conclusions of the Nottingham group.

Besides, you can bet the whole prostate cancer story is a lot more complicated than just hormones and an intimate night with your hand — other factors known to affect the risk include genetics, race, diet and job.

Keep in mind the bigger picture, too. There may, of course, be benefits to masturbation. And I don’t just mean the obvious.

After all, there has been research to show that the more orgasms a man has, the fewer heart problems he is likely to suffer and the longer he is likely to live.

So I reckon this “hot news” needs some cold water pouring over it — unlike the average red-blooded male.

Courtesy of The Sun UK

Added Naked Circus Fun:
A flash game for your self-enjoyment

Your mother always warned you...

SURREY, UNITED KINGDOM– Chris Nicholls, 23, collapsed after getting over-excited as he viewed the blue movie in his bedroom, an inquest heard.

He died of a cardiac arrest weeks after having open-heart surgery.

His body was found by his mum Clare at the family home in Redhill, Surrey. At the inquest she asked pathologist Dr Mary Sheppard, who examined Chris after his death, whether the heart attack was brought on by the film.

She said: “Christopher was watching a blue movie when I found him.”

Stress

“Later I told my husband, ‘I know what’s happened. It’s got to be a rush of adrenaline because he’s got excited.’ Could that have caused cardiac arrest?”

Dr Sheppard responded: “Any kind of excessive stress or excitement could have brought on serious erratic heartbeat. So, yes, that could have been a factor.”

Chris was born with a congenital heart defect which could never be completely cured.

He had open-heart surgery when he was 15 months old and again following a heart attack in April.
He also suffered from a form of autism. Clare hit out at London’s Royal Brompton Hospital, where Chris had his latest operation.

She said: “No one there told me how imminent death could be. When I asked for guidelines on how to care for Chris at home they looked at me like I was mad.”

A natural causes verdict was recorded at the inquest in Woking, Surrey.

Courtesy of The Sun UK

Jeff Pearlman has a new book coming out in September called Boys Will Be Boys, which chronicles the Cowboys during the Aikman-Smith-Irvin glory years. Tucked inside the book is a chapter called “The Last Naked Warrior,” which is a nickname defensive end Charles Haley used for himself. Haley, if you recall, was a goddamn beast of a pass rusher, and also a legendary asshole. But what you may not know about Haley is that he was:

A) Legitimately insane
B) Hung like Milton Berle
C) Liked jacking off in front of teammates and coaches

And not playful jerking off. We’re talking the real, hardcore, I’m-home-and-my-wife-is-at-the-movies jerking off. I’ll let Pearlman fill you in:

Haley would stroll up to an unsuspecting (49er) teammate, whip out his phallus, and repeatedly stroke it in his face. Players initially laughed it off…

Hey look, it’s Charles’ huge erection! And he’s pleasuring himself! Man, that is funny.

But Haley refused to stop. He would jerk off in the locker room, in the trainer’s room. He’d wrap his hand around his penis, turn toward a Joe Montana or John Taylor, and bellow, “You know you wanna suck this!”

Well, it was San Francisco. I, for one, am glad to see that Haley liked to go native. I’m assuming Montana replied, “Really? I know I wanna suck that? Well, it hadn’t occurred to me before. But now that you’re masturbating right in front of me in a completely unprofessional manner, I can see your point.”

Pearlman also gets this quote from Michael Silver:

“Charles used to beat off in meetings while talking graphically about other players’ wives. It got to the point of ejaculation.”

Well, if you don’t reach the point of ejaculation, there IS no point. Am I right? Think about this quote for just a moment. You go to work. You go sit in a meeting. Then Bob from Accounting decides to take out his Frankencock and starts talking about banging your wife, and then orgasms right in front of you.

That’s… unusual. It won’t surprise you to know that Haley was also a raging homophobe, saying to a new Cowboy teammate once:

“You’re from California? You must be a fucking faggot.”

And he would know! Because he was in California once, jerking off in front of large groups of other men. I haven’t seen a homosexual this insecure since Vin Diesel. Brady Quinn would like him to sign with the Browns ASAP.

Courtesy of Kissing Suzy Kolber