“I've only been with 11,000 women, give or take a few hundred. I promise.”

A new biography of the film star Warren Beatty claims that he has been to bed with 12,775 women. The author adds, usefully, that the figure ‘does not include daytime quickies, drive-bys, casual gropings, stolen kisses and so on’.

Some people may need a little help to picture 12,775 different women.

The total population of Beaconsfield is 10,679, which means that Warren Beatty would have had to sleep with every single person in Beaconsfield, and even then he would have to pop in on a number of outlying villages before he had met his obligations and clocked up the remaining 2,096.

But even this is an underestimate, as Beatty insists that he sleeps only with women. To achieve a more accurate picture, we would have to look for a town with double the number of inhabitants.

With a population of 17,000, Dorking in Surrey is a little on the small side, but if you include nearby Leatherhead (9,685), then you get a figure of 26,685, which is just about right.

Of course, some pedants might argue that these figures include children, and if you take them out of the equation you’d have to look to a larger town like Windsor, with its population of 32,000 or so, before you would arrive at the requisite number of adult women.

It’s all getting a little out of hand. Not long ago, Simon Cowell claimed to have been to bed with ‘between 70 and 100 women, if I were to hazard a guess’, which left many people gasping, not least those who were surprised that he’d been to bed with any woman at all.

Twenty-five years ago Tony Blackburn (‘Sex is very important to me; I adore making love’) claimed in his autobiography that ‘I’ve made love to about 250 women’. Many readers shook their heads in disbelief.

Yet Blackburn’s tally was knocked into a cocked hat by the Romanian tennis player Ilie Nastase, who claimed in his autobiography, Mr Nasty, ‘I’ve slept with 2,500 women,’ before adding, somewhat ungallantly: ‘Sex in those days was like taking a daily shower – you take one, it feels nice, then you forget it.’

Cowell, Blackburn and Nastase were all outboasted by the great Belgian detective writer Georges Simenon, who in 1977 claimed: ‘I did the sum a year or two ago, and, since the age of thirteen-and-a-half, I have had 10,000 women.’

Frankly, it’s all in danger of becoming a branch of Higher Mathematics. And now Warren Beatty has trumped the lot of them, with 2,775 women more than his closest rival. Was ever a man more appropriately christened than Warren?

Anyway, it’s important not to get bogged down in numbers. By now, many men will be wondering exactly how he does it. How, they will ask, could one man sweet-talk his way through every single woman in Dorking and Leatherhead?

Strange to relate, front-line reports from Beatty’s former lovers suggest that he favours a rather dated, Austin Powers approach. In her autobiography, Joan Collins recalls him saying ‘What’s new, pussycat?’ while one of his more recent loves, Madonna, claims that he pestered her for two weeks before she finally allowed him to kiss her.

‘He kissed her on the doorstep, after he dropped her off,’ records her biographer. ‘ “Houston,” he reportedly said, after kissing her, “we have lift-off.” ‘

One might have thought that ‘What’s new, pussycat?’ and ‘Houston, we have lift-off ‘ were the worst chat-up lines known to man, but I suppose it all depends on who is doing the chatting-up. To pick a name at random, it is hard to imagine the clinically obese Radio 1 disc-jockey Chris Moyles saying ‘Houston, we have lift-off’ to a woman and receiving anything other than a smack in the chops.

Woody Allen once said that if he believed in reincarnation, he would like to come back as Warren Beatty’s fingertips.

Certainly, there is something-very enviable about his long list of girlfriends, which includes not only Madonna but Brigitte Bardot, Britt Ekland, Jane Fonda and Bianca Jagger.

And, by and large, Beatty seems to have left his girlfriends contented. ‘He could handle a woman like a lift,’ wrote Britt Ekland in her autobiography. ‘He knew exactly where to locate the top button. One flick and we were on our way.’

It is a curiously unsexy metaphor, but one that is perhaps more accurate than intended. There is something of the old-fashioned lift-operator about the dogged Beatty, so that one half-expects him to wear a commissionaire’s uniform, complete with shiny badge.

In the Eighties, a witty reference book called Who’s Had Who linked him to the Duchess of Windsor in ten easy steps (Beatty – Natalie Wood – Robert Wagner – Jill St John – Frank Sinatra – Marilyn Monroe – Orson Welles – Rita Hayworth – Aly Khan – Thelma Furness – Duke of Windsor – Duchess of Windsor). And this, too, reads eerily like the floor-guide in a department-store lift.

Courtesy of The Daily Mail UK

The interviewer neglected to ask whether or not his penis put on its little white hood before sex.

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – Singer John Mayer is giving true meaning to the text messaging term T.M.I. (too much information) as his recent interview with Playboy magazine hit the internet today, exposing his love for porn, his penis being a white supremacist and how sex with Jessica Simpson is like being on crack cocaine.

The “Your Body Is A Wonderland” singer also discussed his love for actress Jennifer Aniston, how he enjoys teen sensation Miley Cyrus’ music and how he gets a ‘hood pass’ from African Americans.

Known for his off-color sense of humor, Mayer’s Lagavulin scotch-infused conversation with Playboy contributing editor Rob Tannebaum has already sparked controversy on the internet -including his beloved rant-platform Twitter where he has 3 million followers- leading many to question if the 32-year-old singer is racist. (Or maybe he shouldn’t talk while drinking?)

Here are a few excerpts (WARNING: Some of the material isn’t suitable for readers under 18)

On his love of porn:
When I watch porn, if it’s not hot enough, I’ll make up backstories in my mind. My biggest dream is to write pornography.

On Jennifer Aniston:
We just have a regard for each other’s feelings that is pretty intense. It’s been a deep relationship, and it’s no longer taking place at all. Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons? … I’ll always be sorry that it didn’t last. In some ways I wish I could be with her. But I can’t change the fact that I need to be 32.

On his relationship with Jessica Simpson:
That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me… Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm… There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, “I want to quit my life and just f*ckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*ck you, I would start selling all my sh*t just to keep f*cking you.”

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?

MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f*ckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my d*ck.

PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.

MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his d*ck. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.

For the complete interview, click here. Very interesting.

Courtesy Examiner.com

Tinto Brass and Caterina Varzi at the 2009 Venice Film Festival

Yup, it looks like Avatar won’t be the only ‘blue’ movie in town as THR have broken the news that infamous smut peddler Tinto Brass is getting ready to provocatively straddle the director’s chair and whisper ‘action’ in a husky tone on what he describes as the world’s first ever 3D pornographic production.

Brass plans to “revisit an abandoned project about a Roman emperor that was ruined by Americans, and go from there,” something which sounds distinctly like a revisiting of his notorious 1979 film Caligula, made in collaboration with author Gore Vidal. Ironically Brass was upset at the time due to hardcore sex scenes being inserted (matron! etc…) without his knowledge.

Although, at this point, we feel duty bound to inform Tinto that this may not be a first in the world of 3D as the 1970′s softcore epic, The Stewardess, is thought to actually be the first film to suggestively stroke this dimension’s arm and ask it back for ‘coffee’.

With the news that George Lucas is thinking about re-releasing all the Star Wars films in 3D, could we be looking at a retrospective 3D orgy? Tinto Brass has a back catalogue of notable films crying out for a revamp including sensitively titled cult classics such as ‘Do it!’ and ‘Cheeky’.

Filming is set to start this Summer in what will be the first 3D production to be filmed in Italy.

Courtesy MovieFone

Also Under the Tent…

Uncut Version of Controversial Film Caligular to be Released
Finally! Choose Your Own Adventure 3D Porn!
How Did You Celebrate Porn Day?

Jolie — who is openly bisexual — and GaGa — a rumored hermaphrodite — had a secret rendez vous at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel that lasted all night, Halperin alleges.

“Angie is obsessed with Lady Gaga,” a source said.

It’s not the first time Jolie has been accused of cheating on Pitt.

Earlier this week, In Touch Weekly magazine spoke to Anna Kowalski — a housekeeper who worked extensively with the family on their numerous visits to the Waldorf-Astoria in New York — who claimed Angelina had a series of steamy sex sessions with one of the dialect coaches she worked with on the set of her movie Salt.

Kowalski claimed she walked into Jolie’s room and saw Jolie’s bed strewn with sex toys.

“The room was a disaster,” Anna revealed. “There was water all over the bathroom and empty vodka bottles everywhere. Every towel had been used. And over five dozen cattleya orchids were scattered around the room, and there were the tops of the flowers in the tub, with candles.

“The bed was covered with black rubber sheets, and there were sex toys on it.”

Anna said that what she saw left her with little doubt that the actress and the tutor were having an affair.

Jolie has previously spoken of her desire to have an open relationship.

Courtesy ShowBizSpy.com

Sam Worthington

The Aussie actor happened to be wearing nothing but a g-string, fake animal ears and a felt tale.

Sam said: “The guy rocked up and said ‘What are you doing?’

“I assured him it was a proper movie but when he didn’t seem convinced I pointed out that the guy filming me was the famous director JAMES CAMERON.

“The guy looked over, saw Jim’s rudimentary camera, looked back at me in the ears, tail and g-string the director had given me to wear and said ‘Well, he’s come down in the world since Titanic.”

Courtesy The Sun: United Kingdom

So... I wanted to take her from behind..

What happened was, is that we were doing Miami Vice and I had to do a nude scene in Miami Vice. So my make-up artist wanted to see the before-and-after, meaning, like, my body wasn’t in shape and then we got it to that point, we wanna…but in transferring that material, I guess these people hang out on your internet whatever, and they grabbed the picture and put it out there. So I apologize to my family.

That’s how these things work, people. A movie star innocently wants to send his coworker a picture of his semi-hard penis, and some internet gremlin whatever yanks it out of the email soundwaves. I buy this much more than I did the plot of Law Abiding Citizen.

Here’s the video of Foxx’s statement:

Courtesy MovieLine.com

And, of course, Marge can already be found nude on the Internet (doing nasty, unspeakable things) courtesy of perverted Adobe Illustrator nerds. In fact, I’ve been told (by OTHERS) that a bevy of cartoon characters have been rendered in their birthday suits online. Which leads me to the elusive point of this post: What animated characters would YOU like to see in all their two-dimensional glory? Lois Griffin is the first that comes to mind for me, though I can also go old-school and call Jessica “I’m not bad, I’m just drawn that way” Rabbit. And what about the men? King of the Hill’s Boomhauer could be interesting, no?

Courtesy Entertainment Weekly

According to the suit, filed today in L.A. County Superior Court, a woman named Shirley Dieu claims she went to Phil to seek therapy in 2007 — but instead she claims the doc tried to “brainwash” her and force her to endure all sorts of physical and emotional abuse.

In the docs, Shirley claims Phil forced her to “be in the same room with a completely naked live man while he exposed his entire naked body, genitals and all.”

In the docs, Shirley also claims Phil “touched her left breast during her therapy session.”

Shirley also claims Phil lied to her about being a “real” doctor — alleging that the TV shrink “is not licensed to practice in the state of California.”

Shirley doesn’t specify how much money she wants from Phil — but we’re assuming it’s an insane figure.

Courtesy TMZ.com

We reported this morning that the legal docs describe Anna Nicole and Dr. Khristine Eroshevich naked in a bathtub together. Authorities claim the two women had a personal relationship “that crossed the boundaries of professionalism.”

The documents are very specific: “One photo showed both naked women embracing while looking at the camera. In another photo, Dr. Eroshevich is sitting between Anna Nicole Smith’s legs while Anna…was in a more reclined position.

In the third photo, Anna Nicole Smith has her ankles on each of Dr. Eroshevich’s shoulders while they are holding hands and their clasped hands are resting in the area of Anna Nicole Smith’s vagina posing for the camera.”

Courtesy TMZ.com

We're afraid to ask who'll be playing them in the sure to be forthcoming TV adaptation...

In “High on Arrival,” out Wednesday, Phillips describes emerging from a blackout to find herself engaging in intercourse with her dad – on the night before her wedding, People.com reports.

“On the eve of my wedding, my father showed up, determined to stop it,” she writes. “I had tons of pills, and Dad had tons of everything, too. Eventually I passed out on Dad’s bed.”

“My father was not a man with boundaries. He was full of love, and he was sick with drugs. I woke up that night from a blackout to find myself having sex with my own father.

“Had this happened before? I didn’t know. All I can say is it was the first time I was aware of it. For a moment I was in my body, in that horrible truth, and then I slid back into a blackout.”

Both father and daughter waged public battles with drug addiction. John Phillips died in 2001.

The younger Phillips’ substance abuse problems ultimately led to her firing from “One Day at a Time,” the sitcom on which she starred in the early ’80s. Afterward, she entered rehab – with her dad, People reports.

As Mackenzie struggled with her addiction, the affair with her father ultimately became consensual.

“I was a fragment of a person, and my secret isolated me,” she writes in the new book, according to People.

“There must be *someplace* where giving your daughter a baloney pony ride is socially acceptable... other than Arkansas.”

“He was completely delusional. ‘No,’ I thought, ‘we’re going to hell for this.’ ”

In an interview with Oprah Winfrey airing Wednesday, Phillips also lays the bombshell claim that it was her father who introduced her to the drug abuse she’s battled for more than half her life, Newsday.com reports.

“My father shot me up for the first time,” she says in a promotional video for the Oprah appearance. “I remember going into my room, I was crouched on the floor. … He put the needle in my arm and put the plunger in and he missed,” she says. “He missed the vein and my whole arm went numb.”

Her latest scrape with the law came in October 2008, when the actress pleaded guilty to drug possession after being arrested at Los Angeles International Airport with needles, cocaine and heroin. A judge ordered her into a drug rehabilitation program.

Mackenzie also starred in “American Graffiti” and, more recently, on the Disney Channel show “So Weird.” She also made guest appearances on the TV series “7th Heaven,” “Cold Case” and “NYPD Blue.”

Courtesy of New York Daily News