He spent all his money on strippers, wine & song, and like a fool he squandered the rest...

Among the revelers who erupted inside the Seattle Kingdome that night: Helen and Louis Ford, the Massachusetts couple who had adopted Robinson off the street when he was 10 years old. “We were hoarse by the end of that game,” Helen recalls. “Can you imagine the pride of seeing your son do something like that?”

Rumeal Robinson was a household name. Sports Illustrated labeled him “Mr. Clutch” and put him on the cover.

Twenty years and a lucrative NBA career later, Robinson’s tumble from glory, which has never before been fully reported, has been cataclysmic. Now 43, he’s a bankrupted “strip club addict,” according to his adoptive brother, Donald Barrows. Federal prosecutors have charged Robinson with fraud, and at least four creditors have sued him for unpaid bills in Miami-Dade County, where he lives. He’s had to give up Ducati motorcycles, a Maserati, and a $10,000 fully automatic M16 machine gun, among other things. He now bounces between Biscayne Boulevard budget motels, claiming to have “no money” or possessions besides a change of pants, according to a deposition he gave last year.

Even Robinson’s 65-year-old mother, Helen, has given up on the wayward basketball star. This past April, she was evicted from 2 Rumeal Robinson Pl., the Cambridge, Massachusetts home where she raised him. She contends he “scammed” her. “I’m not worried for him,” she says, “because he sure as hell wasn’t worried about what happened to me.”

His adoptive brother, Barrows, explains, “He was a good kid growing up, and he treated us like family. I don’t know where he went wrong, with what he’s done to my mom and scores of other people. It’s unbelievable.”

Phone numbers Robinson has used have all been disconnected. New Times’ requests for interviews relayed through three friends were not answered. Robinson’s Miami-based lawyer, Hugo Rodriguez, says he doesn’t have enough information to comment about the debts, the criminal case, or the matter of the Cambridge house: “I don’t know anything yet,” he says.

When Helen Ford first met 10-year-old Jamaican-born Rumeal Robinson, he was homeless in Cambridge, living on couches or in the stairways of Harvard College dorms, she says. She and her now-deceased husband, Louis, a mail carrier, had four kids of their own. But they also raised countless fosters in their modest home.

“I sat down with Rumeal and asked him why he was sleeping in hallways,” Ford recalls. “He started crying and said, ‘My mother doesn’t want me!’”

In 1978, 12-year-old Robinson became one of five kids the Fords would officially adopt. They watched him gain national fame in college and, in 1990, accompanied the 23-year-old to the NBA draft in New York City. The Atlanta Hawks took him in the first round and awarded him a four-year contract worth $4.29 million. “After his rookie season, he came to me, saying, ‘Ma, I’m going to do your whole house over,” Ford says. “I told him: ‘Do your job, get established, and save your money first.’”

As a pro, Robinson never lived up to expectations. He garnered playing time on six NBA teams from Atlanta to Los Angeles, but only once averaged more than ten points per game.

He made more than $5 million in NBA salary alone, but blew much of it on a strip club habit that would have made Pacman Jones blush. “He would go on binges of two whole weeks where he spent $20,000 a night at a strip club,” Barrows says. “Not only that, but he’d also have a bunch of the strippers come back to his place, get buck-naked, and clean his house for $500 or $1,000 each.”

Robinson’s financial troubles began when his NBA paychecks dwindled. In 1997, he was warming the Lakers bench when American Express Travel Related Services sued him, according to a Los Angeles County court file that has been mostly destroyed. The next year — his last in basketball’s big league — he declared bankruptcy and jilted four creditors, including Mercedes-Benz’s financing wing.

After a failed stint as a hip-hop producer in Atlanta, Robinson came to South Florida around 2000 and moved into a condo on posh Williams Island in Aventura. That September, according to state documents, he founded a real estate company called Megaladon Development, Inc. His grand plan involved turning a 25,000-acre plot of “raw ground” in his Jamaican hometown of Mandeville into a luxury resort called Harmony Cove, he would later testify in deposition.

In 2004, the 38-year-old Robinson began dating Stephanie Hodge, a 24-year-old Tootsie’s Cabaret and Booby Trap stripper who claims to have had several pro-athlete boyfriends, including former Miami Heat forward Chris Gatling. “A few months” into their relationship, Hodge would later testify, Robinson gave her a position as Megaladon’s $150,000-a-year “director of marketing.”

And then, federal prosecutors claim, the criminal scheming began.

Strapped for cash, he began looking for a loan, but his credit was shot. A friend introduced him to an Iowa-based Community State Bank officer named Brian Jermaine Williams, “who could get the deal done,” Robinson later testified. In October 2004, Williams authorized a $377,000 loan to Megaladon, prosecutors claim. The next day, Robinson wired a $100,000 bribe back to the rogue banker.

Over the next 18 months, the FBI claims, Williams authorized loans and wired more than $1.2 million to accounts controlled by Robinson, Stephanie Hodge, or her brother Steven. The total was kept to less than $500,000 per individual to avoid attracting the bank’s attention. Williams even altered the loan terms to give Robinson and his cronies more time to make payments.

I think we may have found the stripper of Rumeal's dreams...

He also leased at least three luxury Mercedes and BMW vehicles, and bought new Ducati motorcycles. When he didn’t pay those bills, creditors demanded the vehicles back. Since 2006, Robinson has also been sued in Miami-Dade Court for not paying the leases on two Mercedes and a 2005 Maserati Quattroporte.

He didn’t drive those precious vehicles very carefully. He has racked up 18 moving violations in Miami-Dade County since 2001, including twice driving with a suspended license. Robinson spent $1,500 of the business loan cash at Traffic Ticket Guy, a Deerfield Beach law firm.

In October 2006, Community State Bank won the civil lawsuit, and Megaladon was ordered to pay $538,000 in damages. But Robinson hasn’t filed a tax return since his NBA days, and when he was deposed by lawyers trying to figure out his finances, Robinson claimed his net worth was “zero.” Having been evicted from his Aventura condo, he was bouncing between motels and living on “$20 here or there.”

“Where are your possessions?” the deposing attorney, Gary Lehman, asked Robinson in February 2007.

“It’s in front of you,” Robinson replied, indicating the clothes on his body — before admitting, when pressed, he had a “different pair of pants in the hotel.”

But even in poverty, Robinson maintained VIP friends. Lehman asked, “What are you going to do about dinner tonight?”

“The prime minister of the Cayman Islands is coming in, so maybe he’ll pay,” Robinson ruminated. “I don’t know.”

Barrows, who lived in Miami until recently, recalls spending an evening with his brother in 2007: “He pulled up in a brand-new Mercedes SL500. He asked me if I had $20 for gas. He took me to seven or eight strip clubs, starting with Tootsie’s. He would buy a Coke and nurse it for an hour or two, and I didn’t see him give a dollar to the dancers.”

This past August 24, the FBI indicted Robinson, Hodge, and Williams for the roles in the alleged Community State Bank scam. The charges: bank fraud, bank bribery, making false statements to a financial institution, and wire fraud. On September 4, Robinson surrendered to U.S. marshals in Miami and posted a $50,000 bond. His trial begins in Iowa federal court November 30.

When Robinson was deposed for the civil suit, he blamed Williams. “You said it’s a violation of banking law; Mr. Williams is the banker,” he testified. “I didn’t hold him over a barrel telling him to give me the money.”

His girlfriend Hodge has since left him, stating in a deposition she now lives with a wealthy Miami doctor.

And earlier this month, Robinson sparked outrage in his hometown when the Cambridge Chronicle reported he had caused his adoptive mother to be booted from her home. Ford claims Robinson tricked her into signing a deed that sold the house to a business associate for $600,000. She received no money. Though Robinson assured her he would take care of the situation, he did nothing. In April, 2009, she was forcibly removed. Grandchildren living with her had to find other homes, and she moved to a small apartment.

Now she’s considering suing the boy she brought up.

“Tell her to get in line,” responds Robinson’s lawyer, Rodriguez. “We have bigger fish to fry.”

Courtesy of Miami New Times

How big would that toothpick have to be?

The attacks by 43-year-old Vietnamese labourer Pham Van Diep in early October triggered fears of random syringe attacks similar to incidents reported in Xinjiang, western China, in September.

The hunt for the attacker drew wide publicity after two women told how they had been followed and felt stabbing pains in their buttocks. One returned home and found a painful red dot on her backside.

At a court hearing Thursday, however, Diep said he followed women in Hong Kong and poked their bottoms with toothpicks because he ‘could not resist their big buttocks.’

He pleaded guilty to two assaults and was remanded in custody to allow for psychiatric reports to be prepared.

Courtesy MonstersandCritics.com

Makers Wild Planet launched the ‘Aquapet’ in Germany this month which is supposed to give youngsters hours of innocent fun.

But furious mums have called for it to be withdrawn because it looks just like a vibrator.

“Childhood should be innocent. There’s no reason for it to be this shape and no parent should buy anything from this company until they take it off the shelves,” said one.

Courtesy AustrianTimes.at: Austria

Such an oddly appropriate marriage between art and politics

The series of paintings will be completed during Sexpo, which will be held next weekend at Gallagher Estate in Midrand, and sold to visitors and collectors. Proceeds of the sales will be donated to charity.

“Even down under he’s a newsmaker,” says Pricasso, “widely influencing public opinion of South Africa worldwide.”

“As a fan of South Africa, and certainly a multiple visitor, I know that the majority of South Africans are opposite to what we read in the papers. The intention of this series of four paintings is not only to raise money for charity, but, importantly, to take a tongue-in-cheek position on a newsmaker who seems to grab headlines even when he has little to say.”

The Ignoramus series will be the latest installment of Pricasso’s collection of political works. Previously he has painted Tony Blair, George W Bush, DA leader Helen Zille and President Jacob Zuma.

Courtesy IOL.co.za: South Africa

NEWPORT BEACH, CALIFORNIA – In a case of do-it-yourself male enhancement gone awry, a local man had to be hospitalized after a metal dumbbell ring became stuck on his penis and caused the organ to swell to five times its normal size, authorities report.

The incident, first reported by the Daily Pilot, began with the man’s ill-conceived attempt to enlarge his penis and ended Tuesday in a Newport Beach hospital room, where rescuers sawed the ring away and spared the man’s member.

Keith Jones, deputy fire chief in Costa Mesa, said the ring had been stuck below the belt for as many as three days, and that the man initially resisted treatment. “This was a patient that was obviously having some other issues,” Jones said.

The man, described as middle-aged, eventually relented and allowed city urban rescue experts to remove the ring in a two-hour, ultra-delicate procedure involving a pneumatic chisel that sent sparks flying around the operating room, Jones said.

The man’s condition isn’t known, but Jones said it appeared he remained fully intact. “I know (rescuers) felt that what they had to do, they did it effectively,” he said.

Courtesy OCRegister.com

Underneath many layers of paint, she found that … Priapus has an erect penis that’s, well, basically porn-star sized. The restoration team thinks that the peen was probably in the original work and that, years later, another artist covered it up after getting complaints from the Catholic Church.

An alternate theory is that, back in the day, artists would paint their subjects nude and then paint clothes on top so as to make them as realistic as possible. Who knows which theory is right, but if you happen to be in Brazil next week, go check out the unveiling of the restored painting at the Museu de Arte de São Paulo.

Courtesy The Frisky

How many ways are there to say: STAY AWAY FROM MY ASS?

Staying in Florida on vacation, two Russians from Saint Petersburg decided to check whether they are able to circumvent such an unusual law or not.

Consequences appeared to be very sad. The poor fellows had to take needles from their genitals and treat inflammation for several months.

Having arrived in the USA, the Russians were given the book about the craziest American laws. For example, in Colombia sex – other than in a missionary position – is forbidden; in Kentucky it is forbidden to bring a lion to a movie theater; in Florida it is strictly forbidden to have sex with porcupines!

As it is known, forbidden fruit is always sweet, especially for Russians.

Doctors at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center made the following diagnosis: ‘needles of a porcupine in genitals’.

At first 32-year-old Anton and 30-year-old Eugenie had a good laugh at the senseless law written by local authorities. And then, after helping themselves with whisky, they decided to break this funny law.

Needles in the genitals.. sounds like fun?

With victorious shouts the drunken friends dropped their pants and started making unambiguous movements with their hips. Having sobered up the following morning the friends realized that they need medical help. So the animal-lovers had to go from the airport straight to hospital, Life.Ru reports.

Doctors of well-known medical center Cedars-Sinai diagnosed the case as ‘needles of a porcupine in genitals’.

“The most positive thing about the situation is that the Russian tourists did not have to stand trial in Florida. They left the state just in time,” said the doctors at the medical center.

Now American laws do not seem so funny to Anton and Eugenie. After returning to Moscow they had to get acquainted with Russian urologists: porcupine needles caused very strong inflammation.

Courtesy English.pravda.ru: Russia

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He must have really hated prison...

Kelly Edney was rushed to hospital after purposely plunging his zipper into his genitals, say police.

Once at Dartmoor Hospital in Devon he asked to go to the toilet where he slipped out of his poorly-fitted handcuffs and out of the window to temporary freedom.

Unfortunately he switched straight back into his criminal ways by assaulting a woman, taking her car and then being pursued in a high-speed chase by police.

Details of the 2006 escape were released today. Edney had been in jail for making hoax bombs.

Courtesy Metro.co.uk

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SWAN CREEK, MICHIGAN – From The Saginaw News, A 29-year-old man was caught having sex with a car wash vacuum cleaner last month in Swan Creek, Michigan. He pleaded no contest and could face up to a year in jail not from sexing up the machine but for violating terms of his parole from which he was to be released on June 1.

His former convictions include a second-degree home invasion back when he was 17, marijuana possession when he was 19 and fleeing a police officer when he was 24. It sounds like this guy can’t catch a break. True, he should have taken care of business elsewhere but hopefully the judge will see him as a modern-day Ernest T Bass.

Forget the Car Wash, Go for the Car
57-year-old Mr. Smith likes to have sex with cars. Not sex in cars. Sex with cars. His girlfriend is a VW Bug that looks just like Herbie, but he calls her Vanilla.

In an interview with the Telegraph, he said, “I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love … Maybe I’m a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become lovable, huggable characters it’s just wonderful … I’m a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what’s in my heart and I have no desire to change.”

He says he’s been with women but has never been attracted to them. Although, Vanilla is his girlfriend, he sees other cars including a 1973 Opal GT, named Cinnamon. Moreover, his most intense sex was not with a car but with helicopter from the show Airwolf.

Courtesy DigitalCity.com

We're surprised the doll comes with underwear

Here are the highlights, from Officer Thomas Larson’s report:

“While I was waiting for cover I could see [Tyner] put lubrication on his semi-flaccid penis and then start to massage it in a rapid motion with his hand in a fist. He then picked up a rubber device and inserted his now erect penis in this rubber device and began to stroke the rubber device rapidly back and forth over his penis. He momentarily stopped and picked up a magazine and propped it on the pedestrian guardrail edge so he could better view it. He then disengaged the rubber device and began to kneel down and insert his penis in the pseudo vagina of the blow-up doll. He began to gyrate his hips back and forth while his erect penis was going in and out of the blow-up doll. …

I then seized the blow-up doll, the packaged carton for the blow-up doll labeled as “Lindsay Fully Loaded Love Doll,” a personal rubber masturbation device and a pornographic magazine. The magazine was open to the nude picture of a female. As I attempted to deflate the blow-up doll, I could see that all three of the pseudo orifices of the doll had lubrication on them by the shiny, greasy sheen on them. I then took them to the Central Precinct property room and placed them in a locker as evidence.”

Tyner was charged with public indecency, indecent exposure and disorderly conduct in Multnomah County Circuit Court. He failed to appear for his Sept. 4 arraignment and is now wanted on a warrant.

No charges were filed against Lindsay.

Courtesy Willamette Weekly