“I've only been with 11,000 women, give or take a few hundred. I promise.”

A new biography of the film star Warren Beatty claims that he has been to bed with 12,775 women. The author adds, usefully, that the figure ‘does not include daytime quickies, drive-bys, casual gropings, stolen kisses and so on’.

Some people may need a little help to picture 12,775 different women.

The total population of Beaconsfield is 10,679, which means that Warren Beatty would have had to sleep with every single person in Beaconsfield, and even then he would have to pop in on a number of outlying villages before he had met his obligations and clocked up the remaining 2,096.

But even this is an underestimate, as Beatty insists that he sleeps only with women. To achieve a more accurate picture, we would have to look for a town with double the number of inhabitants.

With a population of 17,000, Dorking in Surrey is a little on the small side, but if you include nearby Leatherhead (9,685), then you get a figure of 26,685, which is just about right.

Of course, some pedants might argue that these figures include children, and if you take them out of the equation you’d have to look to a larger town like Windsor, with its population of 32,000 or so, before you would arrive at the requisite number of adult women.

It’s all getting a little out of hand. Not long ago, Simon Cowell claimed to have been to bed with ‘between 70 and 100 women, if I were to hazard a guess’, which left many people gasping, not least those who were surprised that he’d been to bed with any woman at all.

Twenty-five years ago Tony Blackburn (‘Sex is very important to me; I adore making love’) claimed in his autobiography that ‘I’ve made love to about 250 women’. Many readers shook their heads in disbelief.

Yet Blackburn’s tally was knocked into a cocked hat by the Romanian tennis player Ilie Nastase, who claimed in his autobiography, Mr Nasty, ‘I’ve slept with 2,500 women,’ before adding, somewhat ungallantly: ‘Sex in those days was like taking a daily shower – you take one, it feels nice, then you forget it.’

Cowell, Blackburn and Nastase were all outboasted by the great Belgian detective writer Georges Simenon, who in 1977 claimed: ‘I did the sum a year or two ago, and, since the age of thirteen-and-a-half, I have had 10,000 women.’

Frankly, it’s all in danger of becoming a branch of Higher Mathematics. And now Warren Beatty has trumped the lot of them, with 2,775 women more than his closest rival. Was ever a man more appropriately christened than Warren?

Anyway, it’s important not to get bogged down in numbers. By now, many men will be wondering exactly how he does it. How, they will ask, could one man sweet-talk his way through every single woman in Dorking and Leatherhead?

Strange to relate, front-line reports from Beatty’s former lovers suggest that he favours a rather dated, Austin Powers approach. In her autobiography, Joan Collins recalls him saying ‘What’s new, pussycat?’ while one of his more recent loves, Madonna, claims that he pestered her for two weeks before she finally allowed him to kiss her.

‘He kissed her on the doorstep, after he dropped her off,’ records her biographer. ‘ “Houston,” he reportedly said, after kissing her, “we have lift-off.” ‘

One might have thought that ‘What’s new, pussycat?’ and ‘Houston, we have lift-off ‘ were the worst chat-up lines known to man, but I suppose it all depends on who is doing the chatting-up. To pick a name at random, it is hard to imagine the clinically obese Radio 1 disc-jockey Chris Moyles saying ‘Houston, we have lift-off’ to a woman and receiving anything other than a smack in the chops.

Woody Allen once said that if he believed in reincarnation, he would like to come back as Warren Beatty’s fingertips.

Certainly, there is something-very enviable about his long list of girlfriends, which includes not only Madonna but Brigitte Bardot, Britt Ekland, Jane Fonda and Bianca Jagger.

And, by and large, Beatty seems to have left his girlfriends contented. ‘He could handle a woman like a lift,’ wrote Britt Ekland in her autobiography. ‘He knew exactly where to locate the top button. One flick and we were on our way.’

It is a curiously unsexy metaphor, but one that is perhaps more accurate than intended. There is something of the old-fashioned lift-operator about the dogged Beatty, so that one half-expects him to wear a commissionaire’s uniform, complete with shiny badge.

In the Eighties, a witty reference book called Who’s Had Who linked him to the Duchess of Windsor in ten easy steps (Beatty – Natalie Wood – Robert Wagner – Jill St John – Frank Sinatra – Marilyn Monroe – Orson Welles – Rita Hayworth – Aly Khan – Thelma Furness – Duke of Windsor – Duchess of Windsor). And this, too, reads eerily like the floor-guide in a department-store lift.

Courtesy of The Daily Mail UK

The bespectacled man, who is around 40, repeatedly sneaked up behind a 20-year-old employee on consecutive weekends.

CCTV footage shows the 5ft 9in balding ginger weirdo pretending to pick items off shelves before crouching behind the shelf stacker.

With his face near his victim’s bum, he seemed to be taking a sniff – and once got so close his nose touched the man.

The unnamed Co-op worker, of Plymouth, Devon, said: “I thought it was all a bit strange. I was shocked and couldn’t believe he was in the aisle for that long.”

Cops are asking for witnesses to the October 31 and November 7 attacks.

Det Con Steve White said: “It’s a bizarre incident. The shop was full of people. Someone must have seen the man.”

Courtesy of The Sun UK

The place for live nude entrepreneurs.

SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA– When dancers at San Francisco’s Lusty Lady turned the exotic club into an egalitarian co-op, they found it tough to reconcile their lofty ideals with the aesthetic realities of the sex trade.

One of the first things the dancers did was to toss out rules about maintaining the same body type as the day they were hired, and ones regarding height-weight proportion. A list of acceptable hair colors was scrapped, along with a policy regulating the quantity and location of tattoos.

Now, larger dancers and those who might not be stereotypically “pretty” are welcome on the Lusty stage, but this emphasis on inclusion has brought difficulties for the 60 or so dancer-owners.

It all seemed so simple when they bought the dive.

Lilah Mayhem is pale with long dark hair and a thin frame, while Cinnamon Rose has shorter, red-streaked hair and a darker complexion. Wendy works the stage in striped pink knee socks and glasses, while another dancer wears old wedge sandals and a cheerfully curling brown wig. Many sport multiple piercings and tattoos.

After buying the club for $400,000 in 2003, the next step was to put themselves through guerilla business school.

The Lusties, as they call themselves, enlisted the help of other local co-ops such as Rainbow Grocery and Good Vibrations, a local female-run sex-toy shop.

They learned the ins and outs of running a collective business and hammered out articles of incorporation within days.

That's better.

All new proposals, from bylaw modifications down to buying new carpets, would need approval from general co-op membership and the board of directors. Every worker, whether support staff or performer, had the right to submit a proposal, and decisions would be made by majority vote via paper ballot.

But the theater’s mission statement, which seeks to break down hierarchy, made the creation and enforcement of managerial policies difficult.

“It’s hard, because we’d elect people to enforce our performance standards, but we hadn’t yet decided on what those are,” said former dancer Lili Marlene, who was involved in the transition. “Hygiene rules are easier.”

Dancers learned how to take disciplinary action against each other via new policies such as peer-based performance reviews. Each week performers evaluate their onstage colleagues, considering general appearances, customer interaction, and levels of eye contact.

The first years of self-governance were the most difficult.

“On a good day, it’s like Peter Pan,” said Lili Marlene. “On a bad day, it was like Lord of the Flies. We can do whatever we want, and there’s nobody to tell us what to do.”

Courtesy of Reuters

Investigators went to the assisted living facility in the 12700 block of West Alameda Parkway last week after the family of the victim indicated they had video of the caregiver having sex with the woman.

Police say the family installed a hidden camera in the victim’s room in late December. Investigators say the family became suspicious that the woman was being mistreated.

Police arrested 41-year-old Gabriel Paul Cabral. He’s been charged with crimes against an at risk adult.

Police say Cabral has worked at more than one assisted living facility in the area.

Cabral has been booked into the Jefferson County Jail.

Courtesy 9News.com: Television, United States

Starr's masterpiece

“That’s disgusting,” said one woman.

“I think it’s funny,” said another.

What they’re buzzing about is an 8-foot-tall penis carving that stands tall enough to be seen in the backyard of a home.

It wasn’t erected, but instead carved out of a tree in the backyard of a home. Artistic expression? A fertility statue? The homeowner says no to both.

“Just ah kind of practical joke my friends played on me,” said homeowner Adam Starr.

The carving was once a pine tree that Starr needed cut down. He said he asked some friends to help him out, but a mix of alcohol and chainsaws created the above result.

“I came back and they left me a little surprise,” said Starr. “Yeah I came home and it was actually night and they had a light fixed on it shining.”

He planned on cutting the tree down last weekend, but said his house got broken into and forced him to back away from that plan.

The city of Tempe has told him the stump must come down by Wednesday. Starr said it will come down even before that, by this weekend.

He said he’s putting it up on eBay and plans to donate the proceeds to charity.

“If you have nerves enough, I’d like you to take a picture of it and put it on TV so everyone in the Valley can see it,” said a man across the street.

Courtesy ABC15.com: Television, United States

The politician told newspaper Aftonbladet that his trip in early January was sponsored by around ten different companies, including budget airline Norwegian.

Pressed by the newspaper on why he had accepted the paid trip, despite claims that he generally refused offers from the airline industry, Federley replied:

“Well, this was pretty much tied to my drag personality, Ursula. It’s not me as a member of parliament doing this; it’s more a case of me travelling as my drag personality,” he said.

Federley has not made any secret of his predilection for cross-dressing, recently arriving as Ursula at the Swedish Mr Gay competition.

Dismayed by the newspaper’s line of questioning, Federley dismissed what he felt was an insinuation that he had only taken on the job for the sake of a free holiday in the sun at a newly built four-star hotel.

“Sometimes I get asked if I want to do something extra that has nothing at all to do with my parliamentary work. If it doesn’t clash with the job, I’ll take on a commission. And like anybody else I’ll ask to be paid for it,” he writes on his personal website.

Federley explained that the purpose of the trip was to prepare travel tips for people intending to travel to the Spanish island’s annual drag queen carnival. The invitation had come from gay community website Hanky.se where the politician maintains a blog, the title of which translates as “The Other Side of Federley”.

Though apparently baffled by media interest in his extra-curricular activities, the MP was sure to maintain his keen business instinct.

“Maybe this will mean more publicity for Ursula, which in turn will lead to more work,” he writes.

Courtesy TheLocal.se: Sweden

The interviewer neglected to ask whether or not his penis put on its little white hood before sex.

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – Singer John Mayer is giving true meaning to the text messaging term T.M.I. (too much information) as his recent interview with Playboy magazine hit the internet today, exposing his love for porn, his penis being a white supremacist and how sex with Jessica Simpson is like being on crack cocaine.

The “Your Body Is A Wonderland” singer also discussed his love for actress Jennifer Aniston, how he enjoys teen sensation Miley Cyrus’ music and how he gets a ‘hood pass’ from African Americans.

Known for his off-color sense of humor, Mayer’s Lagavulin scotch-infused conversation with Playboy contributing editor Rob Tannebaum has already sparked controversy on the internet -including his beloved rant-platform Twitter where he has 3 million followers- leading many to question if the 32-year-old singer is racist. (Or maybe he shouldn’t talk while drinking?)

Here are a few excerpts (WARNING: Some of the material isn’t suitable for readers under 18)

On his love of porn:
When I watch porn, if it’s not hot enough, I’ll make up backstories in my mind. My biggest dream is to write pornography.

On Jennifer Aniston:
We just have a regard for each other’s feelings that is pretty intense. It’s been a deep relationship, and it’s no longer taking place at all. Have you ever loved somebody, loved her completely, but had to end the relationship for life reasons? … I’ll always be sorry that it didn’t last. In some ways I wish I could be with her. But I can’t change the fact that I need to be 32.

On his relationship with Jessica Simpson:
That girl, for me, is a drug. And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them. Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me… Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm… There are people in the world who have the power to change our values. Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, “I want to quit my life and just f*ckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*ck you, I would start selling all my sh*t just to keep f*cking you.”

PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?

MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a f*ckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my d*ck.

PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.

MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his d*ck. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.

For the complete interview, click here. Very interesting.

Courtesy Examiner.com

Ooops

According to GossipCop, Parker intended to point her fans to husband basketball player Tony Parker’s page, but instead directed them to a porn site.

She apparently forgot to include the number nine in the address and urged people to sign up for updates from tpnetwork, which belongs to Titanium Porn Network.

On realizing her mistake, she tweeted, “Oh, nooo! I put the wrong twitter site for my husband. It’s @tp9network. The one I put earlier goes to some porn site!!! Don’t use it!”

Courtesy XBizNewsWire.com

The $10 cover charges collected during the one-night event were donated to ISOH (I-S-O-H/Impact), a Christian-based charity in Ohio that had no qualms about taking the money despite where it came from. After all, like the club’s manager Kenny Soprano said, “Charity’s charity.” Doing a little math here: $1000 raised divided by a $10-per-person cover charge boils down to exactly 100 charitable men (I’m just assuming here) who got their rocks off for Haiti. To the ladies of Toledo, Ohio: If your man stumbled in drunk and covered in glitter in the wee hours of the morning on February 7th, don’t be too mad, that lap dance he got was for a good cause.

No word on whether or not the dancers donated their tips to the cause. I guess the people at the Christian charity who collected the money could tell us. In fact, the dancers probably turned a nice little profit on the whole event. The increased business probably meant more $1 bills in the g-strings. So, was this an act of true charity on their parts, or a sneaky scheme to drum up bigger tips? Either way, some money was raised and people will be helped. And for their part in the whole thing, the strippers should be thanked. Thanks strippers.

Courtesy TwirlIt.com

Don't need the body scanner for this guy

Police were quickly on the scene, bundled Greene into a bathrobe and took him in to custody.

A folding knife was later found in the clothes which he had earlier abandoned.

Greene told police he was bipolar and off his medication.

Police said he has been charged with reckless endangerment for his driving and disorderly conduct and indecent exposure for his actions inside the terminal.