Baker, Baker, Bake Me a Dildo

WASHINGTON, D.C. – You can have your cake and eat it too this Saturday at the D.C. Eagle. And who wouldn’t rather eat it in the shape of a dildo? If you’re lucky, that’s exactly what master baker Tim “All The Bears Say” Woody will whip up for this year’s Scarlet’s Bake Sale and Auction, one of D.C.’s oldest fundraisers.

It’s not just creative cakes that bring in the dough and the awards. (But if you’re feeling so inspired, all you have to do is bring in your cake donation between 2 p.m. and 4 p.m. The event runs from 5 to 9 p.m.)

Scarlet co-chair Patrick “Patty Cake” Grady says in previous years clothing and handmade quilts have brought in as much as $2,000 apiece. As has become tradition, this year’s recently crowned Mr. MAL and Mr. D.C. Eagle will also auction the clothes right off their bodies. Grady says there’s an official Scarlet Bake Sale towel – “which we could sell on eBay someday” – used to encourage titleholders to take it all off. So think about how much you’re willing to pay for Kip “Make Me” Hollar’s leather jockstrap, because you just might get it.

Last year’s event raised some $12,000 for PetsDC and Food and Friends. This year’s beneficiary is GLOV, The GLBT Anti-Violence Task Force – a response to the recent spike in crime in our community. This year’s auctioneers include Frank “Mop & Glo Beauty” Nowicki, the reigning emcee for the Mr. MAL pageant and a natural-born host. Could it get any better? Actually, Hearsay doesn’t think so….

Courtesy Metro Weekly